Subject: Sharing some of my poems Sat Jul 14, 2007 5:03 pm
Well, I try to write some poetry. I first started to write in my mothertongue, but prefer English. So ... well what do you think about it? Good/bad?
Code:
ANALYZIS
I’m just a shell Totally empty On the inside DEAD! All the tears that I had Have been shed A loud echo Is the one thing That’s left NUMB Walking around Not knowing what to do Not knowing who I am Anymore The old me has left The new me is on her way I’m just a shell …
just one for now ... If you want I'll post some others
*edit: had to use the 'code' button for the lay-out
kaylalane
Number of posts : 2469 Age : 32 Location : New Jersey Name : Kayla Registration date : 2007-07-01
Subject: Re: Sharing some of my poems Thu Jul 26, 2007 8:44 am
I love free-verse. But what, may I ask, is mothertongue?
Oh wait, don't tell me! Is it your first language?
Guest Guest
Subject: Re: Sharing some of my poems Thu Jul 26, 2007 9:09 am
yup, first language =D
I -'ve tried rhyme in english before ... but ... you can see that it's fabricated ...
Most of my'poetry' is like this ...
kaylalane
Number of posts : 2469 Age : 32 Location : New Jersey Name : Kayla Registration date : 2007-07-01
Subject: Re: Sharing some of my poems Thu Jul 26, 2007 11:06 am
I give you props for even writing poetry in English. If it was me trying to write in say, French, I'd be like, "What rhymes with suis?"
Guest Guest
Subject: Re: Sharing some of my poems Thu Jul 26, 2007 12:50 pm
Hahaha, thanks!
And I speak French ... and I can't even say a word that rhymes with 'suis' ...
But thank you!
Aelwyndaeira
Number of posts : 3720 Age : 44 Location : Hamilton, Ontario Name : Shauna Registration date : 2007-03-28
Subject: Re: Sharing some of my poems Tue Sep 04, 2007 8:39 am
I really like the formatting, but you should flesh it out. Why are you a shell? Why are you crying? Why do you feel dead? Some more fleshy adjectives would be great (go to http://www.thesaurus.com for inspiration).
Guest Guest
Subject: Re: Sharing some of my poems Tue Sep 04, 2007 9:07 am
Thanks or your help Shauna!!!! I'll have a look and see what I could change to improve it ...
The poem, is about all the effort I've put in the divorce of my parents and how I've changed ... not knowing if it's in the good sense or not