Happy Period?

This is an actual letter sent to an American company -- Proctor and
Gamble -- regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling
after the first paragraph...


Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years
and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard
Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding
or dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the
beach in tight, white shorts.

But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings.
Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it
is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure
I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered
from 'the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't.

Well, my 'time of the month' is starting right now. As I type, I can
already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a
few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into
what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with
knife skills'.

Isn't the human body amazing?

Seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your
customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'.

Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping
we endure, and about our intense Mood swings, crying jags, and
out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for
most women.

In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to
shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just
because he told her he thought Gray's Anatomy was written by drunken
chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just
crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... which brings me to
the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to
reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi
pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words:
"Have a Happy Period."

Are you freakin' kidding me?

What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really
think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible
during a menstrual period?

Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable?

Well, did it, James?

FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never
be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up
on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't
march down to the local Walgreens armed with a hunting rifle and a
sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man!

If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it
make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put
Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular
Manslaughter Is Wrong," or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
chosen to take my maxi pad business elsewhere.

And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wing s, I will not for one
minute miss your
brand of condescending bullsh#t. And that's a promise I will keep, Always.

name protected,

Austin, TX

ahahahahahaha

Aelwyndaeira wrote:

Well, did it, James?

I actually burst out laughing by this point. Crazy premenstrual lady..

This was brilliant! I just sent it to Josh.. wonder if he'll think it's as funny. I definitely think I'll send it to mom..she's still at work, it could be fun.

that was freaking amazing. lmao.

Hahahahahaha. Oh wow.

My faves:

Quote :

I can't tell you how safe and secure
I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

That made me almost die....I was laughing like a maniac!

Quote :

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just
crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants...

Hahahaha! I'm picturing salivating soccer moms hunting men down with machine guns.

Hahaha, this is awesome. I love the "Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to
reach inside my body and yank out my uterus," is especially good. Probably the best complaint letter I've ever seen.

LMAO.

made my day, no denying that!! =)

almost peed myself ahaha

Hahahahahahahha.
Gees she's nuts.

My pads say funny facts. It's awesome.

oh! mine too! high five

I'm guessing you guys use Libra pads?
I used to buy them just for the facts, but I don't like them any more.
I loved finding out that there is a name for marshmallow phobia though.
Hahaha.

Woot high five lil! I use Libra and stayfree and a mix...whatever's on special lol

I use U pads cos they're awesome colours
Well... the packets are anyway. Lol.

I'm a Kotex / Stayfree kinda gal.

Yep, I use Stayfree with the cottony dry cover. Everything else gives me bladder infections, and I sure as hell can't use tampons (evil little things, anyways).

I LOOOOOOOVE tampons!
Makes my time so much easier and stress free.
I can't stand the feeling of the blood 'escaping' (haha omg TMI... but it seriously makes me squirm) but yeah... and with tampons you don't get that so WOO!

yourroyalscrumptiousness wrote:

I LOOOOOOOVE tampons!
Makes my time so much easier and stress free.
I can't stand the feeling of the blood 'escaping' (haha omg TMI... but it seriously makes me squirm) but yeah... and with tampons you don't get that so WOO!

But they're soooooo bad for you!!!!!

TAMPONS BAD!

A list of cons about tampons from here:

Quote :

Not-So-Good Aspects

* Use chlorine bleaching.. bad for you and bad for the environment
* STRONG link between them and TSS
* Disposable and extremely wasteful, especially the ones with plastic applicators
* Most are made by companies that are just evil (e.g Proctor & Gamble)
* Absorb vaginal lubricants that shouldn't be absorbed; alter the environment of the vagina
* Clog up septic systems
* You have to keep buying them, so they are expensive
* They are NOT sterile! In fact, they are filthy
* Many add deodorants that should NEVER be in a product that will be inside of your body
* Contains artificial ingredients, such as rayon, and many other things.. companies are NOT required to label all of the ingredients in tampons

SHZine's rant on Tampons

I've heard so many bad things about tampons.... but I still totally don't care lol.
I dunno... for me they're just so convenient that they outweigh all the alleged asbestos and bleaching and all the rest.

.......

I do not want anything up my vagina that's not used for baby making.

Tampons look like huge giant-ass q-tips.

No thankies.

Same for me. I know about all the bad but I don't care and plus pads feel gross.

You can get non-bleached organic tampons though, but they don't sell them anywhere near me.

Yeah, that's the thing. I've heard about unbleached tampons but I've never, ever seen somebody sell them.

I bet they would have them at an organic health food type store, I don't think there's one close to me though.