The Cupcake Mafia!

We're awesome! Join us & be awesome too!
 
HomeHome  RegisterRegister  Log in  

Share | 
 

 Happy Period?

Go down 
Go to page : 1, 2  Next
AuthorMessage
Aelwyndaeira

avatar

Number of posts : 3720
Age : 38
Location : Hamilton, Ontario
Name : Shauna
Registration date : 2007-03-28

PostSubject: Happy Period?   Wed Nov 07, 2007 2:19 pm

This is an actual letter sent to an American company -- Proctor and
Gamble -- regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling
after the first paragraph...


Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years
and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard
Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding
or dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the
beach in tight, white shorts.

But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings.
Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it
is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure
I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered
from 'the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't.

Well, my 'time of the month' is starting right now. As I type, I can
already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a
few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into
what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with
knife skills'.

Isn't the human body amazing?

Seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your
customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'.

Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping
we endure, and about our intense Mood swings, crying jags, and
out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for
most women.

In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to
shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just
because he told her he thought Gray's Anatomy was written by drunken
chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just
crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... which brings me to
the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to
reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi
pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words:
"Have a Happy Period."

Are you freakin' kidding me?

What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really
think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible
during a menstrual period?

Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable?

Well, did it, James?

FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never
be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up
on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't
march down to the local Walgreens armed with a hunting rifle and a
sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man!

If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it
make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put
Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular
Manslaughter Is Wrong," or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
chosen to take my maxi pad business elsewhere.

And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wing s, I will not for one
minute miss your
brand of condescending bullsh#t. And that's a promise I will keep, Always.

name protected,

Austin, TX
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://shaunamcshanemua.blogspot.com
Lindsay

avatar

Number of posts : 3491
Age : 30
Location : Georgia
Name : Lindsay
Registration date : 2007-06-10

PostSubject: Re: Happy Period?   Wed Nov 07, 2007 2:24 pm

ahahahahahaha
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.myspace.com/lin_lin
gill

avatar

Number of posts : 1367
Age : 29
Location : Edinburgh, Scotland
Name : Gillian
Registration date : 2007-03-28

PostSubject: Re: Happy Period?   Wed Nov 07, 2007 3:09 pm

Aelwyndaeira wrote:
Well, did it, James?

I actually burst out laughing by this point. Crazy premenstrual lady..
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.bebo.com/thursday-
shadowsforsale

avatar

Number of posts : 3315
Age : 31
Location : South Holland, IL, land of 46 churches
Name : Elisabeth, Lisabeth, Lizzy, Liz, Lissa
Registration date : 2007-03-28

PostSubject: Re: Happy Period?   Wed Nov 07, 2007 6:16 pm

This was brilliant! I just sent it to Josh.. wonder if he'll think it's as funny. I definitely think I'll send it to mom..she's still at work, it could be fun.
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.midnightsunfaeryfun.blogspot.com
asoftrevolution

avatar

Number of posts : 979
Age : 29
Location : Virginia, US
Name : Kat
Registration date : 2007-04-23

PostSubject: Re: Happy Period?   Wed Nov 07, 2007 7:30 pm

that was freaking amazing. lmao.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
kaylalane

avatar

Number of posts : 2469
Age : 27
Location : New Jersey
Name : Kayla
Registration date : 2007-07-01

PostSubject: Re: Happy Period?   Wed Nov 07, 2007 8:11 pm

Hahahahahaha. Oh wow.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Aelwyndaeira

avatar

Number of posts : 3720
Age : 38
Location : Hamilton, Ontario
Name : Shauna
Registration date : 2007-03-28

PostSubject: Re: Happy Period?   Wed Nov 07, 2007 9:01 pm

My faves:

Quote :
I can't tell you how safe and secure
I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

That made me almost die....I was laughing like a maniac!

Quote :
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just
crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants...

Hahahaha! I'm picturing salivating soccer moms hunting men down with machine guns.
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://shaunamcshanemua.blogspot.com
Le_Saboteur

avatar

Number of posts : 3354
Age : 30
Location : Auckland, New Zealand
Name : Kendra
Registration date : 2007-04-30

PostSubject: Re: Happy Period?   Thu Nov 08, 2007 12:46 am

Hahaha, this is awesome. I love the "Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to
reach inside my body and yank out my uterus," is especially good. Probably the best complaint letter I've ever seen.

_________________
In the game of thrones you win or you die.

If your life had a face, I would punch it in the balls.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
TOONRULESOK

avatar

Number of posts : 2667
Age : 27
Location : good ol' blighty!
Name : hannahh
Registration date : 2007-07-23

PostSubject: Re: Happy Period?   Thu Nov 08, 2007 6:39 am

LMAO.

made my day, no denying that!! =)

_________________
these loaded guns are nothing until they're fired...
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.myspace.com/missigocommando
Guest
Guest



PostSubject: Re: Happy Period?   Fri Nov 09, 2007 3:38 am

almost peed myself ahaha
Back to top Go down
Guest
Guest



PostSubject: Re: Happy Period?   Fri Nov 09, 2007 3:41 am

Hahahahahahahha.
Gees she's nuts.
Back to top Go down
anjelik_dreamin

avatar

Number of posts : 3440
Age : 29
Location : Melbourne, Australia
Name : Jessica
Registration date : 2007-03-28

PostSubject: Re: Happy Period?   Sat Nov 10, 2007 10:16 pm

My pads say funny facts. It's awesome.
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.myspace.com/anjelik_dreamin
Guest
Guest



PostSubject: Re: Happy Period?   Sat Nov 10, 2007 11:40 pm

oh! mine too! high five
Back to top Go down
Guest
Guest



PostSubject: Re: Happy Period?   Sat Nov 10, 2007 11:55 pm

I'm guessing you guys use Libra pads?
I used to buy them just for the facts, but I don't like them any more.
I loved finding out that there is a name for marshmallow phobia though.
Hahaha.
Back to top Go down
anjelik_dreamin

avatar

Number of posts : 3440
Age : 29
Location : Melbourne, Australia
Name : Jessica
Registration date : 2007-03-28

PostSubject: Re: Happy Period?   Sun Nov 11, 2007 6:04 pm

Woot high five lil! I use Libra and stayfree and a mix...whatever's on special lol
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.myspace.com/anjelik_dreamin
Guest
Guest



PostSubject: Re: Happy Period?   Sun Nov 11, 2007 6:50 pm

I use U pads cos they're awesome colours Very Happy
Well... the packets are anyway. Lol.
Back to top Go down
PolyphonicThought



Number of posts : 13575
Name : Puff
Registration date : 2007-03-28

PostSubject: Re: Happy Period?   Sun Nov 11, 2007 7:01 pm

I'm a Kotex / Stayfree kinda gal.

_________________
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Aelwyndaeira

avatar

Number of posts : 3720
Age : 38
Location : Hamilton, Ontario
Name : Shauna
Registration date : 2007-03-28

PostSubject: Re: Happy Period?   Sun Nov 11, 2007 8:41 pm

Yep, I use Stayfree with the cottony dry cover. Everything else gives me bladder infections, and I sure as hell can't use tampons (evil little things, anyways).
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://shaunamcshanemua.blogspot.com
Guest
Guest



PostSubject: Re: Happy Period?   Sun Nov 11, 2007 8:45 pm

I LOOOOOOOVE tampons!
Makes my time so much easier and stress free.
I can't stand the feeling of the blood 'escaping' (haha omg TMI... but it seriously makes me squirm) but yeah... and with tampons you don't get that so WOO!
Back to top Go down
Aelwyndaeira

avatar

Number of posts : 3720
Age : 38
Location : Hamilton, Ontario
Name : Shauna
Registration date : 2007-03-28

PostSubject: Re: Happy Period?   Sun Nov 11, 2007 8:58 pm

yourroyalscrumptiousness wrote:
I LOOOOOOOVE tampons!
Makes my time so much easier and stress free.
I can't stand the feeling of the blood 'escaping' (haha omg TMI... but it seriously makes me squirm) but yeah... and with tampons you don't get that so WOO!

But they're soooooo bad for you!!!!!

TAMPONS BAD!

A list of cons about tampons from here:

Quote :
Not-So-Good Aspects

* Use chlorine bleaching.. bad for you and bad for the environment
* STRONG link between them and TSS
* Disposable and extremely wasteful, especially the ones with plastic applicators
* Most are made by companies that are just evil (e.g Proctor & Gamble)
* Absorb vaginal lubricants that shouldn't be absorbed; alter the environment of the vagina
* Clog up septic systems
* You have to keep buying them, so they are expensive
* They are NOT sterile! In fact, they are filthy
* Many add deodorants that should NEVER be in a product that will be inside of your body
* Contains artificial ingredients, such as rayon, and many other things.. companies are NOT required to label all of the ingredients in tampons

SHZine's rant on Tampons
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://shaunamcshanemua.blogspot.com
Guest
Guest



PostSubject: Re: Happy Period?   Sun Nov 11, 2007 9:08 pm

I've heard so many bad things about tampons.... but I still totally don't care lol.
I dunno... for me they're just so convenient that they outweigh all the alleged asbestos and bleaching and all the rest.
Back to top Go down
Guest
Guest



PostSubject: Re: Happy Period?   Sun Nov 11, 2007 9:13 pm

.......

I do not want anything up my vagina that's not used for baby making.

Tampons look like huge giant-ass q-tips.

No thankies.
Back to top Go down
Lindsay

avatar

Number of posts : 3491
Age : 30
Location : Georgia
Name : Lindsay
Registration date : 2007-06-10

PostSubject: Re: Happy Period?   Sun Nov 11, 2007 9:13 pm

Same for me. I know about all the bad but I don't care and plus pads feel gross.

You can get non-bleached organic tampons though, but they don't sell them anywhere near me.
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.myspace.com/lin_lin
Guest
Guest



PostSubject: Re: Happy Period?   Sun Nov 11, 2007 9:14 pm

Yeah, that's the thing. I've heard about unbleached tampons but I've never, ever seen somebody sell them.
Back to top Go down
Lindsay

avatar

Number of posts : 3491
Age : 30
Location : Georgia
Name : Lindsay
Registration date : 2007-06-10

PostSubject: Re: Happy Period?   Sun Nov 11, 2007 9:17 pm

I bet they would have them at an organic health food type store, I don't think there's one close to me though.
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.myspace.com/lin_lin
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: Happy Period?   

Back to top Go down
 
Happy Period?
Back to top 
Page 1 of 2Go to page : 1, 2  Next
 Similar topics
-
» Paulo Reis will be the new director of the newspaper “Period”
» Happy Endings
» Happy Weeks - Th?a s?c yêu c?u l?n 2
» Happy birthday !
» Happy Birthday Myra!!! xxx

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
The Cupcake Mafia! :: Odds & Ends :: Humour-
Jump to: